In every inward journey there are repeating themes. Themes like family of origin relationships, relationships with partner or spouse, and past trauma, with either a little “t” or a capital “T.”

Because these big themes of life are both universal and foundational to our experience, we often need to work through them more than once.

It’s so annoying! My relationship with my parents, again! Being hospitalized as a child, again! Ugh! I dealt with this stuff; why is it back?!

The themes pop up like gophers, even after you think you’ve whacked them into submission with your therapy mallet.

Empathetic friends who have done their work say, “It’s like peeling an onion; one layer at a time.”

Not helpful. Peeling an onion results in stinging tears, and if you peel all the layers, you’re left with a small inedible core. No thank you.

I’ve also heard the process of revisiting past difficult topics as being similar to a spiral staircase. “You might have the same view, but it’s from a higher vantage point”, they say.

You’ve made progress. You’ve climbed those self-knowledge steps, and if you’re looking at your relationship with your ex at a new level.

Maybe.

A better analogy is ice hockey.

Unlike baseball, basketball and football where the motion is linear, ice hockey is elliptical.

The rink itself is an oval. Within that oval, players are skating in loops. Even skating backwards in loops.

In one’s inner hockey work, you’re always moving toward the goal, even if you’re also going in circles.

You might need to circle back to pick up a missed idea-puck. You might get cross-checked by a memory. You might whiff on a seemingly clear connection.

And, you’ll also feel unstoppable and have moments when you just glide with joy.

It’s all part of the game. 🏒🥅